Bad Romance
by Fragments of Time
Summary: Riza is trying to give a letter to Roy, but it ends up being delivered to Ed instead! What will happen when Ed's arm falls off? Also, he absolutely hates that song! Crack, not a songfic


In case you were wondering: Yes, I did have that song stuck in my head when I wrote this.

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Once upon a time, there was a boy. At the age of 14, he was a big suit of armor. This was for a reason, but that reason has little to do with our current story. He had an older brother named Ed, Al, the suit of armor, was about 7 feet tall. Ed was over 2 feet shorter, causing him to be extremely self-conscious about his height - his LITTLE brother was way taller than him! Ed was also known as the Fullmetal Alchemist.

One day, a girl named Riza Hawkeye appeared. she gave Al a letter, "Fullmetal Alchemist, this is for you."

"Um... I'm not the Fullmetal Alchemist. That's my brother." he admitted

"Oh... him?" she looked at Ed

"Who are you calling a flea-sized midget too small to be seen except under a microscope and too shrimpy to be the Fullmetal Alchemist!?" Ed demanded

"I never said that..." she gave him an odd look and gave him the letter, "This is for you."

He opened it.

"I have to deliver this letter," she held up another letter, intended for someone else, "So I'll see you some other time." She left.

He looked at the contents of the letter. It was short. He read it out loud, "Rah rah ah ah ah, roma romahmah, gaga ooh lala, want your bad romance." he paused, "What??"

"I think she likes you, brother."

"No way! I've never even met her before!"

He decided he needed to clear this up. He somehow found her house, which is pretty creepy considering that he didn't even know her name. It was later that day.

She opened the door, about to take the dog for a walk, not expecting Ed and Al on her doorstep. Ed wanted to ring the doorbell but couldn't reach, and was refusing help from Al.

"Hey." Ed greeted, "I was...uh, a little confused by your letter, to say the least."

She seemed to have not expected this, "Really? I thought it was pretty straightforward."

He handed it to her.

She repeated the words written in it, "Rah rah ah ah ah, roma romahmah, gaga ooh lala, want your bad romance." she read it, "Ohh... uh, this is awkward. I gave it to the wrong person... then that means...! I'll be right back with the right letter!" she exclaimed before running off

Roy looked at the Lieutenant, "I believe you gave me the letter addressed to the Fullmetal Alchemist." he handed her the Philosopher's Stone-related letter.

"Yeah... this is the one for you." she took the letter for Ed and gave him the letter intended for him, then ran away.

Colonel Mustang opened the letter, "Rah rah ah ah ah, roma romahmah, gaga ooh lala, want your bad romance." he read

The entire building stared at him. Even the people on different floors somehow heard and stared.

"Elicia loves that song!" Hughes exclaimed, "Rah rah ah ah ah, roma romamah, gaga ooh lala, want your bad romance!"

"I really don't think that's appropriate for a three year old..." Havoc raised an eyebrow, "Colonel, who is that from?"

"Lieutenant Hawkeye..."

"She has the hots for you." Havoc told him

"You think so..?" he wondered, "Assuming she gave it to the right person this time, of course."

Meanwhile...

Riza gave Ed the letter regarding the Philosopher's Stone.

"Great, thanks!" he pumped his fist in the air. Unfortunately, this caused his arm to fall off. His automail arm, of course.

"Time for another trip to Winry's, Brother?"

"Yeah."

They got on the train. The radio was playing. A voice sang, "Ohhh, ohhhh, caught in a bad romance..."

"Oh no... it's not..."

Sure enough, the beat began to pick up, "Rah rah ah ah ah, roma romahmah, gaga ooh lala, want your bad romance."

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Ed exclaimed, having heard more than enough of this song for one day.

"I want your ugly, I want your disease..."

The song was on repeat the whole train ride. Ed spent the majority of the ride slamming his face into the wall, trying to block out the music.

"Brother, you're going to hurt yourself..."

When they got to Winry's Ed tossed his arm at the blond. "It fell off."

"Again!? I just fixed it a week ago! Honestly, Ed, be careful for once, would you?" Winry inspected it. She set to work, mp3 player on full blast. It was on repeat one. The sound could be heard throughout the whole house, and especially for Ed who was sitting right across from her as she fixed his arm. "Rah rah ah ah ah, roma romahmah, gaga ooh lala, want your bad romance."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Ed screamed

"What? I love this song!"

When she was done, he looked at it. Carved in it were the words, "Rah rah ah ah ah, roma romahmah, gaga ooh lala, want your bad romance!"

"What the--!? WIINNNRRRRYYYYY!"


End file.
